I've been lethargic - No matter how much sleep I get the lethargy has maintained it's persistence.
I've had a serial case of procrastination - You know the 'I'll just do this first and then I'll...' but where the procrastination has spread it's wings over a series of weeks! Okay, sometimes months!
Nothing has been motivating or fun. Actually I lie, my old addiction of spending money at the mall has been fun. But beyond that I've been struggling to find fun in things that I sincerely enjoy.
It's been a case of wake up, put one foot in front of the other, go to work, stick to routine, go to sleep. REPEAT.
There have also been quite a lot of 'I'm fine' or 'I'm all good'. But actually just disappearing into the oblivion to avoid those conversations altogether.
This happened once before - I'd been on maternity leave for just over twelve months, similarly it was the middle of winter and for a period of ten days I just didn't leave the house, I didn't even venture as far as the letterbox!!
That time around I had a WAIT. WHAT. moment. As soon as I was conscious of what I was doing, my brain snapped out of the fog, I realised something had to change, I made the decision to put Brooklyn into childcare, sent myself back to work and launched Hazed magazine.
This time it's been a little trickier, I have been conscious of my behaviours, I have been conscious of the reason these behaviours have started, but it has been trickier to lift the fog and find my mojo again.
I finally listened to my Mother. Groan. And decided to visit a counsellor - and even though I walked away from the initial sessions thinking 'what a waste of time' - a lot of what the counsellor said has resonated to be true the more that I've thought about it.
This time it's been a case of accept your reality. Make the changes that need to be made. Grieve and accept those changes and my new reality.
Now, I feel the fog lifting, I feel the motivation, drive and ambition returning. My mojo is coming back and I feel ready to take life by the horns and achieve the success I desire in all aspects of my life... within my family, my career, my hobbies and here's hoping - in love.
So, why am I over-sharing on here? In a rambling and mostly incoherent post?
I thought you deserve an explanation for my absence.
Sometimes in life we loose our mojo, sometimes it takes a while to resurface. But once it does fabulousness like you've never seen can be achieved.
And I can only promise you that there is more fabulousness than you've ever seen just around the corner! x